I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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