Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
