Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize