Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's the barista slut.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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