Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
