Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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