I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
