Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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