Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
