No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
