im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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