So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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