Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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