i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
