WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
