Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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