also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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