You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
