I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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