Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the condom got lost in my hair
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
