I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
