Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
