Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
soo... how was my night?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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