Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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