so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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