You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
