Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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