so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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