Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
