Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
