'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
