the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Randomize
