I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
