DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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