How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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