last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
