I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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