then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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