I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
