On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize