The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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