Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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