If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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