I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
