I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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