I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
