had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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