Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
