first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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