Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
