so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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