i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
