Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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