i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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