she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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