Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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