His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
