david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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