i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
