That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
