Can i not drive my cunt home
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
