I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
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I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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