Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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