I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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