so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
