i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
