anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
