So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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