I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
