C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
